Tom Cruise's Next Epic Fail

Believe it or not, when Tom Cruise isn't acting strange and being a douche, he's actually still making movies. This is both good and bad.

Good: Tom Cruise gets less tabloid attention.
Bad: Tom Cruise is acting.

Enter Valkyrie.


Now where do I start? How about the fact that everyone in the movie is speaking in a German or English accent except the esteemed Mr. Cruise? Kind of strange to have a German hero portrayed with an American accent, no?

The movie looks simply like an excuse to put an eyepatch on every character from every other movie Cruise has ever made. Throughout the whole trailer I was waiting for Iceman to appear out of nowhere. But alas, nada.

The film has been delayed as many times as Cruise has done something dumb, which is a lot. The fact that it's finally settled in for a February 13, 2009 release (as opposed to the hot summer slot it was supposed to have this year) tells us two things:

1) Tom Cruise sucks.
2) Valkyrie will probably suck too.

Rob's Bold Prediction: Valkyrie goes on to win 30 Oscars despite the fact there are only 24 available. Cruise credits the great L. Ron. Academy president Sid Ganis is seen driving around in his 15 brand new Bentleys the next day.